Trader Joe's, Coconut Cream and KY Jelly

Posted by joe rigs on Thursday, December 6, 2012 Under: Health
    I know what you’re thinking... What on earth do those things have in common. Unfortunately, a lot.

    I love all things coconut. Coconut milk, coconut oil, coconut flakes, coconut water and of course, just straight up coconut. I freaking love the stuff. Almost as much as I love bacon. Anyone who knows me knows how much I f&*%$#@ love bacon.

    Coconut is a close second but It’s tough to find real coconut milk without some pretty gnarly ingredients. And I’m talking about the canned stuff, not the overly sweetened stuff in the carton with what’s-her-face on it.

 At first I thought it was a missing persons photo. Wishful thinking I guess. Actually I don’t really mean that. She actually stood up for GMO labeling in CA so she gets props for that but I digress (a lot apparently. Sorry too much coffee today, the ADD meter is pegged). At any rate, most coconut milk you find has things like carrageenan or guar gum or some other less than desirable ingredient. Ironically, the one that’s easiest to find that doesn’t have that crap in it is missing most of the best part of the coconut milk- the FAT. Trader Joe’s has coconut milk with one and only ingredient: Coconut Milk. Awesome! Except it’s freaking reduced fat! What’s up with that TJ’s?

    Well, imagine how excited I was when I discovered Trader Joe’s Coconut Cream! “Finally!” I proclaimed loudly in the middle of the store, raising my fist in joyous celebration and hugging the nearest 17 people around me. I'm happy to report that the restraining orders have since been lifted but I’m no longer allowed in that particular Trader Joe’s (disclaimer: I may have embellished that last part a tad).
    Not so fast. As I read the ingredients fully expecting that TJ’s would use the same responsibility they use in their light coconut milk. What’s this? Sodium carboxy methyl cellulose?

    To be completely honest I had no idea what in the world that was, I just knew it wasn’t food and I didn’t want to put it in my body. My curiosity peaked, I went to The Wizard for more information on this nebulous substance. As it turns out, Sodium carboxy methyl cellulose is a thickener used in “food science.” No shocker there but this next piece really got my attention. It’s commonly used in non-food items (which makes sense since it’s not... ya know... food) such as paints, laxatives, diet pills, toothpaste and... wait for it... KY Jelly!
    I don’t know about you but I am perfectly fine if things don’t intermingle between the food industry and the personal lubricant industry. I really wish I could scrub this info from my brain but I can’t. It’s kind of like seeing something disturbing, like this.

Try as you might, you will never, ever un-see that image.

So here’s a very short list of things I’d rather do than eat KY Jelly:

• Shave my head with a cheese grater
• Chew on aluminum foil
• NOT eat bacon
• Eat turkey bacon
• Wear sequins footy pajamas
• Listen to a dubstep remix of Copacabana on loop
• Go to a Black Friday sale
• Go to a Black Friday sale and stand on a long line behind this person

Please feel free to add to this list by commenting below. What would you rather do than eat KY Jelly?

    The point of this post is this: When it comes to your food, trust no one. Look, I’m a big fan of Trader Joe’s but they dropped the ball on this one. Even if you’re in your favorite store, or buying from a trusted source, take a moment to read ingredients on things. You never know, if you’re not careful you could end up eating something that belongs in paint, personal lubricant or worse- you could end up eating this:

In : Health 

Tags: trader joe's  coconut cream  primal satan 


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About Me

Joe Rignola, HHC, FDN Joe Rignola is an author, Certified Functional Diagnostic Nutritionist and Health Counselor. More importantly, I hate talking in the 3rd person. I'm really just a guy who took control of my own health and overcame several ailments including metabolic disorders, digestive issues, depression and ADD. Actually, my recovery from ADD however is questionable.